Fighting the guilt

I've read a lot of mommy blog posts recently focused on the issue of Mommy Guilt. If you're not a mom, then you probably think of this as some made-up thing that moms create out of thin air to stress themselves out. Well, you're partially correct, except it is something unavoidable from my perspective.

     Mommy guilt is the constant (albeit sometimes in the background) feeling that you're not doing things quite right. Whether you work outside of the home or not, whether your kids stay home all day or go to daycare or preschool, there are constant internal conversations going on about whether you are being a good mother or not. It's exhausting! It seems we are constantly second guessing every decision we make, and boy are there a zillion of those every day.

Am I letting my children watch too much TV (or in my case, iPad)?
Am I reading enough books and stories to them?
Am I being a good role model?
If I cuddle with them before bed, am I just creating an expectation that she'll always get mommy or daddy to lie down with her before she goes to sleep? How will I break this habit? (Note the habit isn't even formed yet and I'm already stressing about how to break it...)
By spending time volunteering in our community and church, am I neglecting my children? My husband?

     And then there are the things that aren't really questions as much as blatant things I KNOW I'm not getting to like I either should or want to...
The laundry is more often in heaps (clean and dirty) rather than folded.
The toys are strewn all over the house, where I often describe my house as where a daycare exploded.
I have half started art projects or seasonally themed ideas for decorating the house and getting the kids in the spirit... but they've never quite gotten finished and are just sitting on the counter top waiting for their turn.
The house may be clean-ish, but I will admit that I don't scrub the bathrooms or the kitchen everyday. Ok, I don't even do it every week. I'm lucky if those things get cleaned once a month!

     But one area that I do usually feel like I'm succeeding on is our meals. I like to cook and bake (mostly bake, truth be told), so on a good day figuring out what we'll have for dinner or planning out meals in advance is fun. I've taken to baking our bread, and I take pride in making homemade dinners every night (and yes, I count crockpot recipes as homemade). The baby rarely eats store-bought baby food, but subsists on squash or food I've personally mashed up. Ok, along with store bought applesauce, I admit. So food is made here with love versus bought. Well, unless I'm exhausted and the kids are screaming and we have way too much going on and...and...and...

     Yea, so when the meals start to suffer and sputter, then I know I'm in trouble. Because when all else is a mess and you can't walk in a straight line through the house without climbing over piles of something, at least the food is homemade and delicious. It's my safe place away from Mommy Guilt.

     So what do I do when we hit Code Red and I lose focus on even the meals? Usually that means I need to fall back and regroup, often with the help of my unflappable husband. I read a blog recently by a mom reminding us all that our JOB is to raise our children to be wonderful humans; our JOB is not to be maid/housekeeper/gardener/shopper/cook/etc. That's something I forget a LOT, and when I do, my husband reminds me. So with his calming reassurance, I take a few deep breaths (thank you Daniel Tiger) and take a moment to step back. Then I usually spend 15 minutes attempting to pick up one room so it looks more like a room than a yard-sale, and that helps, too. Just the de-cluttering of one space lets my mind reset a bit and brings me back to center.

     And at the end of this exercise, the house is still a mess, the iPad is still on in the background, bedtime is still a goal not a rigid fact, but meals are made somewhat on time and my children are still growing into humans who know they are loved and well fed. And I smile knowing that this is a blessing so many families and people don't have. So I forget the rest of the things that aren't quite up to snuff and appreciate the things that do get done.