There's no place like home

I find that it's difficult sometimes to see the world from my daughter's perspective. Some things that I don't spend more than a few seconds thinking about are huge concepts to her; and sometimes they are very scary ones, too.

     There is a lot of construction going on in our neighborhood. Mostly house renovations, there are a couple of lots where the old house gets torn down and a new, mini-mansion goes up. One of these is on our route to preschool, and we happened to pass it one day at the beginning of the process. As we drove past, my 3yr old daughter noticed the giant bulldozer tearing down the old house. It was probably 40% torn down, so was still very identifiable as a house, yet very obviously with a giant hole in the side. 

     As we drove by, my first assumption of what she would see was, "wow, how cool to see big machines at work! Isn't it amazing watching them?" But I was very wrong. It turns out that what she saw was, "somebody's home is being torn down and broken! Oh no! Why is there home being torn down? Where will they live now? Is ours next? What will we do?"

     Now I admit that I'm putting words into my daughter's mouth, but it surprised me how much worry and stress seeing this caused her. She got very distressed at the idea that a house could get torn down. And it occurred to me - a house is such a permanent stable fixture, it was a profound concept to her that it isn't permanent and it could, in fact, be torn down.

     So by completely missing her perspective, I accidentally caused her stress. I didn't realize that this would be a stressful thing to watch, so I didn't try to shield her from it. I'm not normally one to shield my children from life, but I certainly could have taken a different route that morning, or at least distracted her so she didn't see the de-construction. Whoops.

    Every time we drive by, she asks about the house that got torn down and the people who lived there (we don't know them, so this is a generic question). To combat this, I make a point to talk to her about the new house that's being built and how happy it will make some family some day. Then we have another discussion about how someone is not going to tear our house down tomorrow (everything is tomorrow for her these days). 

     And every time we drive by, it also reminds me to think a little bit about what she has seen and experienced and how she might take something new. Not in the effort to shield her necessarily, but at least to be a bit more prepared and aware. The world looks very different at 3.

From food to fashion

I'm so happy that February is over, primarily because that means my focus on the food budget has come to an end. Yay! It's sad, but I just love food too much. And I am not one of those folks who can eat the same food for an entire week and not care - sadly, I crave variety as much as I crave yummy not-the-best for you food.
     I am a little proud to report that I pretty much managed to make it on a reduced food budget for 2 weeks. I lost track of the exact numbers by the very end (see the post about our atrocious Valentine's Day if you wonder why), but I think I managed to spend about 30% of the normal budget for 2 weeks straight. Yay! And yes, we turned around and donated the unused portion back to the church and their current food program. Double Yay!

     And now that it is March, we are marching along through this book and onto the next chapter - clothes. So over the next few days/weeks, I will be working on accepting my over-abundance of clothing and trying to tailor it down a bit. It's only the beginning, but I think this will be easier than food.

     Stay tuned to see if I still feel that way in a few days / weeks after wearing the same graham-cracker crusted shirt every day.

Fighting the guilt

I've read a lot of mommy blog posts recently focused on the issue of Mommy Guilt. If you're not a mom, then you probably think of this as some made-up thing that moms create out of thin air to stress themselves out. Well, you're partially correct, except it is something unavoidable from my perspective.

     Mommy guilt is the constant (albeit sometimes in the background) feeling that you're not doing things quite right. Whether you work outside of the home or not, whether your kids stay home all day or go to daycare or preschool, there are constant internal conversations going on about whether you are being a good mother or not. It's exhausting! It seems we are constantly second guessing every decision we make, and boy are there a zillion of those every day.

Am I letting my children watch too much TV (or in my case, iPad)?
Am I reading enough books and stories to them?
Am I being a good role model?
If I cuddle with them before bed, am I just creating an expectation that she'll always get mommy or daddy to lie down with her before she goes to sleep? How will I break this habit? (Note the habit isn't even formed yet and I'm already stressing about how to break it...)
By spending time volunteering in our community and church, am I neglecting my children? My husband?

     And then there are the things that aren't really questions as much as blatant things I KNOW I'm not getting to like I either should or want to...
The laundry is more often in heaps (clean and dirty) rather than folded.
The toys are strewn all over the house, where I often describe my house as where a daycare exploded.
I have half started art projects or seasonally themed ideas for decorating the house and getting the kids in the spirit... but they've never quite gotten finished and are just sitting on the counter top waiting for their turn.
The house may be clean-ish, but I will admit that I don't scrub the bathrooms or the kitchen everyday. Ok, I don't even do it every week. I'm lucky if those things get cleaned once a month!

     But one area that I do usually feel like I'm succeeding on is our meals. I like to cook and bake (mostly bake, truth be told), so on a good day figuring out what we'll have for dinner or planning out meals in advance is fun. I've taken to baking our bread, and I take pride in making homemade dinners every night (and yes, I count crockpot recipes as homemade). The baby rarely eats store-bought baby food, but subsists on squash or food I've personally mashed up. Ok, along with store bought applesauce, I admit. So food is made here with love versus bought. Well, unless I'm exhausted and the kids are screaming and we have way too much going on and...and...and...

     Yea, so when the meals start to suffer and sputter, then I know I'm in trouble. Because when all else is a mess and you can't walk in a straight line through the house without climbing over piles of something, at least the food is homemade and delicious. It's my safe place away from Mommy Guilt.

     So what do I do when we hit Code Red and I lose focus on even the meals? Usually that means I need to fall back and regroup, often with the help of my unflappable husband. I read a blog recently by a mom reminding us all that our JOB is to raise our children to be wonderful humans; our JOB is not to be maid/housekeeper/gardener/shopper/cook/etc. That's something I forget a LOT, and when I do, my husband reminds me. So with his calming reassurance, I take a few deep breaths (thank you Daniel Tiger) and take a moment to step back. Then I usually spend 15 minutes attempting to pick up one room so it looks more like a room than a yard-sale, and that helps, too. Just the de-cluttering of one space lets my mind reset a bit and brings me back to center.

     And at the end of this exercise, the house is still a mess, the iPad is still on in the background, bedtime is still a goal not a rigid fact, but meals are made somewhat on time and my children are still growing into humans who know they are loved and well fed. And I smile knowing that this is a blessing so many families and people don't have. So I forget the rest of the things that aren't quite up to snuff and appreciate the things that do get done.